A Decision Only a Mother Can Make!

Cindy knew her birthmother’s name. Cindy knew where her birthmother was from. Cindy knew a lot - but Cindy didn’t know where her birthmother was now. Cindy, who lives in Mississippi, had spent quite a lot of money trying to find her birthmother. She had obtained a list of everyone she could find with her birthmother’s last name (at the time of her adoption) and had called every single one. Having no luck with this, she and her adoptive mother, Rita, enlisted the help of Research Etc, Inc., who had been recommended to Cindy by a friend whose own birth mother had been found by this search agency. Cindy and Rita are very close and Rita wanted as much as Cindy to find the very special woman, named Jo*, who had given Rita the precious gift of a child. We went right to work and within the week had located Cindy’s birthmother’s sister, Zelda. She lives only a few blocks from where Cindy grew up and where Rita still lives! We called Zelda and told her it was very important that we reach her sister Jo. We would not divulge why we needed to find her, but assured her that we were not stalkers, bill collectors, etc., just that it was important to find her. Zelda came unglued! She screamed, she yelled, she was spitting mad! She demanded to know what the call was about! She said that we had better NEVER call her again! She hung up on us! Although it does sometimes happen, this kind of reaction is not a typical one. Sure, people are usually curious or guarded about why we are calling, but rarely irate. This spelled only one thing to us; Zelda knew (or at least thought she knew) who was looking for Jo and was going to make the decision for Jo: she would protect her sister at all costs.

We called Cindy and told her that we had contacted Zelda.. Even though Cindy appeared to take it all in stride, we could tell she was very hurt at her birth aunt’s negative reaction. We could, of course, go on with the search and locate Cindy’s birthmother, but knowing Cindy was on a limited budget, we discussed her options in detail, leaving the decision up to her as to just how far she wanted us to go. She decided to not do anything just yet until she talked it over with her husband and thought things out. However, only a short time later, she swallowed hard a couple of times, took a deep breath, picked up the phone and bravely called Zelda, pleading with her to not hang up the phone. Cindy was prepared to beg her to talk to her and was pleasantly surprised to find Zelda, in Cindy’s words, “sweet as pie!”

After our call, Zelda had immediately called Jo, who lives in Connecticut, and told her of the call from Research Etc and also told her what she had said to us. Jo said, “I’m sure that’s my birth daughter looking for me! If they call back, you give them my phone number and tell them to tell her where I am!!” So, by the time Cindy had called, Zelda was more than willing to tell her where to find Jo, and offered a sincere and embarrassed apology to Research Etc. Cindy’s mother, Rita, bought Cindy the gift of a 2-hour-long phone calling card and Cindy and Jo spent 2 full hours talking, laughing and crying! The mystery of Zelda’s reaction was also cleared up; Jo had been raped by a family friend and was forced by her parents to relinquish Cindy. Zelda was reacting from the raw emotion of her sister’s 30 year-old painful experience. When she found that Jo was no longer controlled by the pain, then she, too, was able to let it go.

Cindy has already met with her Aunt Zelda and cousins, and had a great time! Cindy was happy to learn that she has four brothers and a sister! She has spoken numerous times with Jo and is planning a trip to meet with her as soon as possible! Cindy will now meet the woman who gave her life - and Rita can finally thank the woman who gave her Cindy!

Note: People, whether friend or family member will often try to do what they think is best for the search subject. This is a dangerous mistake. Family relationships have been destroyed and friendships lost over interferences such as these. Luckily, in this case, Zelda called Jo and told her about what she had done. Jo set her straight and not only did the relationship remain intact, Zelda also reaped the benefit of getting a new birth-niece!